Bane Macleod

The Past - The Future

I've learned a lot in the last few days. Some things that I was already aware of in the back of my head, and some things that I may not have known or even imagined possible. My latest trip was a complete disaster in some ways, and a complete godsend in others. The negative aspects aren't really even worthy of mention, but I am going to get into some of the more positive.

I learned that I am able to do things that I didn't really think possible before, if nothing else just because I am so out of practice with them. Things like going out and having fun, meeting new people, and confronting possible rejection or humiliation without breaking down into a puddle of nothing. Things that I certainly should have been doing for years that I would only subject myself to under the most extreme of duress turned out to be somewhat fun even given the ghastly amount of garbage surrounding them.

I learned that I am incredibly good at some of the things that I do, and that I am capable of handling things that other people are paid to do with much better results at the end, even when I'm just doing it to impress a girl.

I learned that people can surprise you, no matter how well you think you know them, regardless if it is a positive or negative surprise, in the end anyone is capable of unpredictability or greatness. As a result planning your life around someone elses stability or genius is a mistake at best, a waiting disaster at worst. In the same breath the person you thought the least of may be the one that makes the biggest impact on your well being.

I also learned that I can't live the rest of my life doing things for everyone else. I've never been able to do a single thing in without having someone to impress or punish as a result. Looking back at everything I've accomplished thus far, things have always been at the whim of someone who may or may not have me in mind. Every project pimped in some manner or other, either paid or prodded. Every change in my life simply to show I can do it. I dare say doing things for myself would be much more satisfying.

So on to a new start, doing things for me, living my life a little better, and hopefully getting things straightened out. I must say it's a lot easier to do knowing that I have many of you in my corner. Your comments, PMs, and emails mean so much. You all get mad lubbins.

I'll try to be a little less dramatic in future postings.