Bane Macleod

More Damn Fingers

People I know from other places in the world have the image of the US as a sue happy country, full of people just looking for the opportunity to claim some misfortune or injustice as a reason that they should be supplied with millions of dollars for things as simple as not being aware that coffee is meant to be hot. Some people have recently even sunken low enough to sue for things that they made up on their own. Such as finding a finger in a bowl of Wendy's chili. As we all know, that particular useless human being has been arrested for grand theft and attempted grand theft. (the first grand theft on trying to sell a home she didn't own)

I would like to suggest the same for the jerkoff I'm about to mention.

Clarence Stowers hit the drive through at a Kohl's Frozen Custard in North Carolina and ordered a sherbet, the drive through attendant, unaware that an accident had happened in the back, served up a pint of the sherbet to Mr. Stowers that just happened to contain part of the finger of 23-year-old employee Brandon Fizer. He then apparently brought the custard home and began eating, ending up with the fingertip in his mouth and "proceeded to put the object in my mouth, got all the ice cream off of it and spit it in my hand." He then returned to the shop 30 minutes later with the finger in tote, but refused to give it to the manager of the store, nor the attending doctor so that it could be reattached.

While I can't claim to understand the trauma of finding a severed finger in my mouth (what is with these people not looking at their food when they eat it anyway?) I am absolutely livid at the way it was handled. He actually returned to the shop to tell the folks there that he would be "calling the TV stations and an attorney" as he left. Note the order... TV Stations, attorney. First I'm gonna get famous, then I'm gonna get rich.

If I had my way Mr Stowers would be in prison. If you are in possession of an object that is obviously another's property there is an obligation to return it. Finders keepers went out when we were children, and certainly doesn't apply to body parts. To deny someone the full use of their hands so that you can get a small bit of notoriety and cash is really quite disgusting but I'm sure he won't be feeling guilt anytime soon. He'll be basking in the glow of the television lights and courtroom drama.

"I'm not saying who has it, but somebody has it," Stowers said of the finger in a telephone interview after the fact. Well, I'm not saying who's a complete scumbag that should be ashamed of themselves and should really consider prostrating himself before Mr. Fizer and begging for his forgiveness as though he were an angry Norse god about to strike him down for his selfish and undignified behavior..

But somebody is.