Bane Macleod

The Subway Demon

You know, I had this huge update planned for today. I had a story to tell and some interesting things to debate in the forums. Then on the way home it happened. I stopped at Subway.

For those of you not familiar, Subway is a sandwich shop, made famous (In my little world) for its footlong meatball sandwiches. Anyhow, I go into the store and am greeted by there being no server at all.. I yell for a guy I can hear in the back and about 3 minutes later he rolls out complete with the little net on his head, and a nametag that says "Jesus".

I'm a little taken aback by this but its been close to a year and a half since I've been to subway and when I saw the sign my mouth immediately started watering, so I knew there was no way I could leave.. "Gimme a footlong meatball sub" I say. "Sure" he replies, "You want the combo?" At this point I'm a little suspicious, who doesn't get the combo, you get a drink and a bag of chips for $1 more. "Of course I do." I begin looking him up and down wondering where his hands have been and why he hasn't washed them yet. As if sensing my thoughts he begins toward the sink. "White or Wheat bread?" he asks on his way. My heart grows a little less cold as I see him scrubbing like a surgeon prepping for an upcoming heart transplant. I of course want white, so I tell him so. "You want extra meat on that? I'm supposed to charge you an extra $2 for it but we are about to close and I don't have any other customers so I'll hook you up."

Holy shit! Did I hear right? All my previous thoughts fly out the window as I am consumed with love for this sandwich maker. Suddenly his nametag makes perfect sense, who else but mankind's savior could make such a tempting offer? I bob my head up and down like one of those silly dashboard dolls. Filled with newfound respect and trust for my new friend Jesus I turn to my girlfriend, give her a big hug and look over the chip collection. I take my time choosing as this will surely be the perfect meal, finally I select and turn to present my prize to the patron saint of sandwiches when I realize he hasn't finished. "Well, a bit slow" I say to myself, but I can forgive this fine man almost anything.. until I see it.

I look down to see the hands of doom hovering over my extra meatballed sandwich dropping lettuce and tomatoes on it like some bomber in the midnight sky. The color drains from my face as I realize who else but Jesus could make such an irresistible offer, Satan. Only the horned devil himself would ever consider such an atrocity. Only the prince of evil could commit such an act against nature. I struggle to speak but overcome with emotion I cannot muster above a whisper as I watch him putting mayo and mustard on my perfectly rounded meatballs and their horrid vegetable coverings. Only the shock of seeing him reach for the pickles could make the shrieked "NOOOO!!" come out of my mouth. Second after second passed in agony as Jesus the devil jolted his pudgy little face towards me and my girlfriend saw the look on my face and almost choked on her drink laughing.

"Do you realize what you've done?!?" I shriek, "You have put vegetables on a meat sandwich!" After some time of crying and carrying on only to find out that that was the last of his meatballs I watched that Lucifer in striped clothing scrape the junk from my sandwich in a shallow attempt at restoring its former glory and tell me no charge for anything but the drink, but it was no help. My day is ruined.